I am autistic

A while ago I posted a poem called I have autism that was a ‘google-sculpture’. I said it was half of a pair. Here is the second half, also a google-sculpture – that is, the words in the poem are edited and rearranged results from a Google search on the phrase ‘I am autistic’.  Reading the two poems together I hope gives a window into the online autism community, as well as illuminating some of the debate about ‘person-first’ language in an autism context (does one say ‘autistic person’ or ‘person with autism’ ? Depends on who you ask…)

I am autistic…
 
because I cannot be separated from how my brain works
 
, I’m not a brat
 
: ask me about my needs
 
, not just an adult with autism. It is a part of who I am. I was born this way. I would not choose to change that.
 
, I’m not crazy.
 
. I can speak. My voice is different, not weak, and if you listened…
 
. I’m an adult, with a career, a mortgage, and my first grey hairs. I’m female
 
. I don’t have autism.  That’s a thing I’ve been saying forfuckingever. And yet people keep insisting on pointedly saying that…
 
. I’m apparently what they call “high-functioning”, but I don’t like the term very much; the division feels artificial
 
, and I think in pictures. If the philosophers are correct, I…
 
, and that’s even better !
 
and proud of it, says Indonesian Oscar Yura Dompas, at the launch of his autobiography, Autistic Journey, at QB world Book Plaza
 
: what’s your excuse ?

autism crumpets

Poetry appearing on this page was produced with the generous support of artsACT

I have been having fun with anagrams this week. Did you know there are 107,143 possible anagrams of the words ‘autism spectrum’ ? I picked a few of my favourites and made a poem for you. It does actually make a kind of alien sense if you read it through like you would a normal poem - as a story told from the outside, from the perspective of observers and carers.

By the way, pica (mentioned in the poem below) is a condition where a person has an appetite for things that aren’t food – e.g. soil, nails, paper, etc. Some ASD folks have pica in addition to their other challenges. Note it is different to oral sensory-seeking behaviour where the person sucks and chews things – with pica, they actually want to eat them.

PS : If you want some anagram fun of your own, go play with the internet anagram server.

 

autism crumpets

Static ‘me’ rumpus.
Imp tutu screams.
Mute. Strums. Pica.
Eat up! Mm! Tics-r-us.
Mute Mac purists.
Um…miscast erupt?

Up came mistrust
(rips Mum acutest).
Impact: muse rust.
Tacit ‘summer’s up’
captures its Mum.

Sure must impact,
must impact user.

Mum stirs teacup.

The impossible blindfold

Poetry appearing on this page was produced with the generous support of artsACT

This poem is in the voice of an adult with ASD, and explores his / her ambivalent feelings about working with a bunch of neurotypicals.

It was inspired by the writings of Edgar Schneider (Discovering my Autism) and Temple Grandin (Thinking in Pictures).

The quote from the Bible used at the beginning is one that Schneider returns to again and again in his book.  If you look carefully, you’ll see I have hidden one word from the quote in each line of the poem.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are my ways your ways – Isaiah  55:8

The impossible blindfold

: an autistic adult prepares for a day in the workplace

Today again I’ll strap on my mask for you;
zip up my ludicrous human suit;

force most of my thoughts into small closed boxes
so that when I speak, you are not made uncomfortable.

When I am not trapped in a room full of chattering
sometimes I can pass for one of your kind.

You few who reach for me with well-meaning thoughts:
even you have no clue how hard this is, nor can you. 

If you are sighted and want to try blindness,
bind your eyes for a day, a week – you might come close.

But there are no easy ways to shut down your radar,
lock yourself in my clumsy robot cage

and be. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are my ways your ways.